Life is hectic. I have high cholesterol and now a nasty bladder infection. I'm hoping when I go back in March my cholesterol will be normal and it was just a fluke. I have antibiotics for the bladder infection. Spent the whole day at the ER yesterday. Had a cat-scan to check for kidney stones, thankfully none. I hope these antibiotics don't give me some nasty shits.
It's warmer than normal so that's nice. Hoping to take the kids to the park one day soon. I don't really have much to say, I feel depressed. BLAH
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
wii fit
Ok so this isn't as easy as I thought it'd be, ha. It hurt my back and left me breathless and I barely did anything! Also can't do it with my husband around because he yells at me for doing stuff wrong. Reminded me of learning to drive and my daddy yelling at me like a nutcase for nothing. It says I'm underweight and I am, but my stomach still needs help.
We are supposed to go grocery shopping but now he's on it so who knows. I hope the kids are good again today because I didn't sleep very well.
We are supposed to go grocery shopping but now he's on it so who knows. I hope the kids are good again today because I didn't sleep very well.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Sorry
I apologize for my last post, I was a mess last night. Today has been nice though, we went shopping and got London her Easter dress and got us a wii fit. Hopefully it helps us lose a little weight.
The kids have been really good today too so that's been good.
The kids have been really good today too so that's been good.
Two Years
Two years ago today I picked you up and saw blood and I knew this was it, you were leaving me for good. Us for good. We took you to the hospital. I was so sad but relieved that this horrible week of death for you was over. I gave you medicine for any pain you might of had. Sometimes I wonder if it was a blessing or a curse to be the only one you would take anything from. Your last words were you yelling at the nurse for touching you. I saw you dying and got the nurse to tell her you were about to go and left the number for the funeral home for her. Then went to be with you and everyone to wait for you to die. I hate myself for being the leader that week. The strong one? Yeah right. Giving you your medicine and making the decisions. I should have just grieved. It gets worse everyday. I miss you crazy old man.
Oh, and the love you showed for Momma that week, it broke my heart but in a good way. If that makes sense.
Oh, and the love you showed for Momma that week, it broke my heart but in a good way. If that makes sense.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Blood
Had some blood tests today, I still have to go get my girlie parts checked out though. I'm sure if it was something serious it would show up in my initial blood work? I dunno anything about all this. I'm convinced I have some form of girlie cancer. I'm sure I don't but I'm paranoid.
We got our taxes back but we can't use it on anything fun. Just bills and oil changes, blah. I want to go to Disney World but London is just too young. I'm thinking when she's 4 and he's 5, I just hate waiting because I really want to gooooooooooo. I love it there.
My mother has found a girl she went to school with (like 40/50 years ago) that was her best friend. She hasn't seen her in like 30 something years. Funny thing is they lived 15 minutes apart for the past 8 years and didn't even know it. Also, my brother gave his gf Alicia a ring ... I'm not sure if it's a promise ring or engagement. First they said promise then Christmas they said engagement but a really long one. So who knows.
We got our taxes back but we can't use it on anything fun. Just bills and oil changes, blah. I want to go to Disney World but London is just too young. I'm thinking when she's 4 and he's 5, I just hate waiting because I really want to gooooooooooo. I love it there.
My mother has found a girl she went to school with (like 40/50 years ago) that was her best friend. She hasn't seen her in like 30 something years. Funny thing is they lived 15 minutes apart for the past 8 years and didn't even know it. Also, my brother gave his gf Alicia a ring ... I'm not sure if it's a promise ring or engagement. First they said promise then Christmas they said engagement but a really long one. So who knows.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
whateverIamsooverit
Over what? I dunno, just it. Whatever it is.
I am lonely and sad and about to lose it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm going in for blood tests tomorrow, if nothing is off with them then maybe I need to ask for a higher dose of my meds or maybe I need new ones? I dunno. Life sucks.
I am lonely and sad and about to lose it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm going in for blood tests tomorrow, if nothing is off with them then maybe I need to ask for a higher dose of my meds or maybe I need new ones? I dunno. Life sucks.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Go away Feburary ...
I feel like I'm drowning in Feburary and it's only the 2nd day. The further away from the day you died, the worse it seems to hurt. Watching Momma be alone hurts. Knowing I can't hug you hurts. Watching my kids grow up hurts. I just all hurts.
Then I think about Momma dying, what will I do then? Go crazy? Yes. I have no doubt I'll need to be checked in somewhere for a while. I wish I believed in something so I could feel comfort in knowing you two would be together then, but I don't. I don't even think that would help, would it? I remember people saying it wasn't normal for me to always want to be with y'all when I was little and a teen. Maybe they were right, because I am paying for it now.
Then I think about Momma dying, what will I do then? Go crazy? Yes. I have no doubt I'll need to be checked in somewhere for a while. I wish I believed in something so I could feel comfort in knowing you two would be together then, but I don't. I don't even think that would help, would it? I remember people saying it wasn't normal for me to always want to be with y'all when I was little and a teen. Maybe they were right, because I am paying for it now.
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