I'm sitting here in bed too terrified to sleep because my little girl has a fever and I am scared she may have the puke bug. Puking is one of my biggest fears so it's ten fold when it comes to the kids. I know it's irrational to be this way but I can't help it. Hell I'm only writing this to distract myself from an impending panic attack.
It hit me though, I think I have PTSD. Can you get it from years of nothing but death in your life? I mainly mean my sister (technically SIL but she was married to my brother since I was 5, so she is just my sister to me) but add my Daddy to that too. I think she is why I freak over. Puking because that is how her death started, granted she had an underlying disease we didn't know about ... but anyone could.
I also lived in fear for fourteen years that Daddy would die. No joke, every single year they would tell us he didn't have much time left and he was always in the hospital. Don't get me wrong, I'm greatful for those years but they took a toll on me.
My nephew died when I was 11 and that was such a confusing time for me, and scary ... and I'm pretty sure the beginning of my trauma. I think I need help, I'm a mess right now.
I wrote this on my phone, so sorry it's shit.
