I'm sitting here in bed too terrified to sleep because my little girl has a fever and I am scared she may have the puke bug. Puking is one of my biggest fears so it's ten fold when it comes to the kids. I know it's irrational to be this way but I can't help it. Hell I'm only writing this to distract myself from an impending panic attack.
It hit me though, I think I have PTSD. Can you get it from years of nothing but death in your life? I mainly mean my sister (technically SIL but she was married to my brother since I was 5, so she is just my sister to me) but add my Daddy to that too. I think she is why I freak over. Puking because that is how her death started, granted she had an underlying disease we didn't know about ... but anyone could.
I also lived in fear for fourteen years that Daddy would die. No joke, every single year they would tell us he didn't have much time left and he was always in the hospital. Don't get me wrong, I'm greatful for those years but they took a toll on me.
My nephew died when I was 11 and that was such a confusing time for me, and scary ... and I'm pretty sure the beginning of my trauma. I think I need help, I'm a mess right now.
I wrote this on my phone, so sorry it's shit.
(((HUGS))) i love you girl. i'm sorry you've had such a rough go of it in your life. if it's any consolation, you're not the only mommy with a puke-phobia. i get the exact same way. i'm terrified of puke. i pop ginger pills like candy any time i feel the slightest bit icky, and if my kids get sick i'm an absolute wreck. i don't sleep, i don't eat, and i sterilize everything in my house. it's terrible. i blame my childhood... i was puked on twice (two separate occasions) on the school bus, and puked during my wedding, as well as all over the doctors waiting room during my glucose test while i was pregnant with K. there are a few other incidents i was witness to, but i really don't feel like getting into them. yuck. it's awful.
ReplyDeleteanyways, if you ever need an ear, i'm here. :)
thank you Jess, I don't wanna sound like a whiny bitch though ... lots have it way worse than I did
ReplyDeleteyep that's me too, do the ginger pills work? I'm sorry you got puked on so much, that is fucking awful :(